It’s been the strangest weekend. It began Thursday night with the arrest of the carpenter. Of course, we’d all heard of him. He’s stirred up some mighty powerful men to an ungodly anger. These Jewish leaders are even breaking their own laws and trying to get people to testify against him. But the witnesses don’t corroborate each other’s testimonies. It’s been a madhouse, and I’ve never seen Pilate so upset. He looks like he’s been pulled in every direction at once. He wanted to placate the Jewish leaders; but he also detests these people and resents having to deal with them. He wanted to set the carpenter free; but he also wanted to use him as a scapegoat. He began the weekend hating Herod; but ended it with a strange friendship.

Finally, Friday morning he handed the carpenter over to us soldiers for a little sport. It’s always been this way with criminals who are about to be executed, but there was something different about this one. He had already been beaten and flogged several times. Why, even his own mother wouldn’t recognize him. But all of us were tense from all the goings-on in Jerusalem this Jewish holiday season and we were ready for a little distraction.

Timnus found a discarded scarlet robe and put it over his shoulders and the others began bowing down to him in mockery of the claims we’d heard about him being the King of the Jews. Someone blindfolded him and started hitting his head, demanding that he tell who it was. Seems such a childish passtime, doesn’t it? He’s been slapped, hit, beaten, flogged and spit on. Mockery is probably the least of his concerns. Usually these guys look either angry and defiant, or they look resigned and defeated. Not the carpenter. I can hardly describe it, but in that swollen, torn and bleeding face his eyes were absolutely blazing with victory. Now why on earth would he look victorious? He was about to die, for heaven’s sake. That look kind of shook me up.

Then it was time to go. You know, we’ve only used crucifixion as a means of execution for a few years. It’s supposed to be more humiliating, and it is. It’s supposed to be more torturous, and it is. Makes you wonder if even the most heinous of criminals deserves this. We were walking up that path to Golgotha and it just amazed me that he had the strength to carry that cross on his back after all he’d already been through. His breathing was labored and he was sweating like a horse. Just to make sure he didn’t die before we got him up on the crossbeam, I grabbed a man out of the crowd to carry his cross for him. The carpenter could hardly walk even without the weight of the timber.

I’ve been involved in these executions from the first, and found out early that if you drive the nail in the wrong place on the wrist, blood just gushes out and the criminal dies in a matter of minutes. That happened the first two times. And I soon learned that you have to drive the nail in right under that strongest bone in the wrist so they’ll stay put. It’s the same with the nail in the foot. The wrong position starts that blood spurting again and it won’t hold.

Anyway, Anthony stepped forward to push him down on top of the crossbeam, but he just laid right down without a word. I can’t count how many times I’ve done this, but this is one I’ll remember forever. I positioned the nail just right and was about to drive it in when I sort of felt him move his head. Now most criminals turn their heads away. I guess they think if they can’t see the source of the pain, it won’t be so bad. But not the carpenter. He turned and looked right at his own outstretched left arm. I always try to drive the nail in exactly right the first time so they won’t have to suffer it again. It’s a small thing and I would never tell my fellow soldiers. So I drew back the hammer and hit the mark dead-on. I heard him gasp and looked over at his face. Such a look of pain in such distorted features, but at least I couldn’t see his eyes. He was holding his breath as if it would lessen the pain, but then he let his breath out. And he opened his eyes and looked right at me. There was no anger there, no accusation. Oh, sure, there was pain, but (you’re not going to believe this) there was also that look of victory. And something more – a look of...forgiveness? I could hardly tear my eyes away from his, but I finally ducked my head and quickly finished the task. I took care of the feet and the right wrist, but I surely didn’t look at him again. It made my heart hurt when I looked in his eyes, and soldiers aren’t supposed to have hearts.

It took three of us to pick the crossbeam up and drop it in the hole. Timnus and Anthony gave a kind of nervous laugh when the beam dropped and the carpenter grunted in pain. They quickly found something to occupy themselves elsewhere. The rest of the detail left to be replaced by a fresh group of soldiers. But I hung around. Well, that’s a terrible pun, but I stayed to see what would happen. It was one of those days when the ground just didn’t feel right – one of our infrequent earthquakes, I guess. And the sky turned black as pitch for hours, but it never rained. There was lots of thunder and lightning, almost as if the gods were upset about something.

I heard it all – how he said he was thirsty; how he asked his father to forgive ‘them’; how he took care of his mother’s future; and finally, that desolate cry of anguish. What was it he said? Oh, yes. “My God, My God, why have You forsaken me?” Then he whispered something else and hung his head and died. And I thought to myself, or maybe I said it out loud, “Truly, this was the Son of God!” (Matthew 27:54)

So, what made Him do it? For surely it was His choice. The nails didn’t hold Him there. Something else did…love, forgiveness, a willingness to follow the divine plan all the way to death. Did it end there? You know it didn’t. There was that story of Him rising from the dead. Do I believe it? You bet I do. And I’ll never be the same again.

~lp 4/13/01

He's Alive !!!

Is this the complaint department? Can you handle a whining complaint? Last night I got upset; shoot, I got mad - something I haven't done in a long while. And all over a box of tissue. Several years ago when I was working some 12-hr days, Terry lined up a friend to clean our house every two weeks. Even though my schedule is not quite that bad now, she still cleans for us. And I love her dearly. But... She forgets that I need things put back in the same place. Last night, in the dark, (lights on, lights out - not much difference to me these days) I reached for a tissue and the box wasn't in its usual place. For just a moment it flew all over me (a good ole Southern phrase).

My anger lasted less than a minute, but it shook me that it happened at all. You'd think I'd be used to this handicap by now, but occasionally my anger with the entire situation rears its ugly head. The truth is that I turned my blindness and all its attending complications over to Jesus years ago and mostly I'm able to cope (only by His grace). But {gasp!} I'm human! And here's a little secret we may all cherish deep within: Sometimes I just enjoy getting mad. How sad is that!

The tissue issue was the trigger, but, as with most manic emotions, things had been building for a while. For instance, I've had two different short Bible studies that I've been wanting to write for several weeks. In the past I could pick up my Bible any time and read/study. But now I have to go to the office, turn on the computer, load the Bible program. It's just slightly more complicated and that has stifled the creative process for me. This has been a difficult transitional time - changing reading/studying formats - and there will probably be more breakdowns.

So I'm done whining (for now). The computer is on; the program is loaded. Now's the perfect time to work on those two studies I've been thinking about. Prayers, everyone! (and thanks)

It's recuperation day. Occasionally I can get together w/ all the girls and make a day of it. Yesterday, since Laurie's birthday and Spring break coincided we made it an Event. Monday Laurie & children (w/ the help of a college student friend) went to Southaven to get Molly. Molly spent the night w/ us and we got up Tuesday prepared to roam. Voting was first on the agenda.

Laurie got sitters lined up for the four oldest children, but had to bring Pearce with her. Not a problem for this Mamaw. She picked Molly & me up and we met Katey at the mall area. There are a couple of new stores - Ross's and Maurice's - that we wanted to visit. I found an Easter suit at Dress Barn. Then we met Nanny, Katelee, Tucker & Christina at Logan's for lunch. (I need to come back to the food issue.) After a very good meal, we started shopping again. I found some skirts and tops at Kohl's, but no dark chocolate shoes, which I now need. Katey left us at Kohl's and we went on to the mall. By this time Pearce & Mamaw are beginning to get tired so it's home for us.

But our day isn't over. Terry & I took Molly home to Southaven. Of course, since Terry got Brewster gift certificates for Christmas, we had to stop there for ice cream. It was a very long day & I finally got in bed after midnight.

Now back to the food issue...My friend, Glenda, is having surgery Friday. The type of surgery required her to be on a semi-liquid diet for 2 weeks prior to surgery. As support for her, and because I need it, I joined her in the semi-liquid diet. Some soups, yogurt, jello, puddings, Carnation Instant Breakfast, V8, juices, coffee (lots of coffee), water (lots of water) are on our menu. So you might understand that when I put something solid in my system like salads, hamburgers, etc., my body goes a little haywire. Net result is that in a 1.5 weeks I've lost 5 pounds!! Yea! It will be over three months before Glenda can go back to a regular diet (sorry, modified diet) so here's hoping I can continue to lose more weight. Just so you'll know, her's isn't one of those weight loss surgeries, but it does involve her digestive system and will result in a significant weight loss. Yea for her! This has been so hard for her. For me it's been a choice to support her, but for her it's been a mandate. Naturally, when you're told you absolutely cannot do something, it's harder to do. Add to this that she plans to quit smoking when she goes into hospital, she is going to have a tough time. But she's strong and I expect great things for her.

Happy Birthday, Laurie! It's hard to believe you're 33 years old. It seems only yesterday you were hiding behind your mama when someone tried to talk to you. Those days are definitely gone; you're a people person if ever there was one. I'm looking forward to spending the day with all my daughters today to celebrate "your day".

The weekend was a mixed bag for me. The snow was refreshing and beautiful. Terry & I, Katey & Andy went to the Regional Rehabilitation Center's benefit concert at the Davis Center on the ICC campus. It was a night of bluegrass music with Connie Smith (not quite bluegrass), the Chuch Wagon Gang, Doyle Lawson & Quicksilver and Rhonda Vincent. Bluegrass is not my very favorite genre, but I enjoyed it nonetheless. Since it was Daylight Saving Time weekend, it made for a short night's sleep before church. SS class was unusually lively. We did a little role play with Jacob, Rachel & Leah from Genesis 29. It was fun and we all learned a lot.

The blessings of a nursery worker: About every seven weeks I keep nursery during morning worship service. MomaG is not on the volunteer list, but she always works when I do. Another friend of ours was with us Sunday and it's a good thing. We had six little girls from 8 months to 18 months. Gracie & Katherine played the entire time; Rebecca fussed occasionally, but mostly played by herself; Marlee K sat in my lap a while, but eventually decided to play; Hannah talked up a storm w/ a strong vocabulary for an 18-mo old; and AJ cried and cried and cried. Some children just don't do well with strangers and she had a bad day. We changed diapers, mixed up sippy cups, crawled around on the floor, rocked and generally managed the chaos. It was fun and I took a nap as soon as I got home. ~smiles

Frustration...

I spent about 30 minutes yesterday morning writing a post, then when I tried to publish it, wouldn't you know, I got an error message. Usually I write in MS Word, but I didn't yesterday. My gripe about doing that is that when I write in Word, my codes (bold, italics, underline) don't paste over into my blog. You'd think it would be a simple thing for Blogger to do. I mean, even xanga will accept Word codes. And I don't know enough about html codes to bother with that.

Oh, well, by now you know we had the perfect snow. Blows in overnite; wake to a pristine covering; it's gone by 2pm. If there's a perfect snow, that's it. No sludge; no mess; no ice.

I'll post again when I'm not so frustrated with Blogger. (And if I've totally missed the instructions for pasting Word codes, would some kind soul let me know? Thanks.)